Awake
by flawsinscience
Summary: A series of Kitty/Robert drabbles set to Josh Groban's album Awake, contains character death.


01

Inspired by Josh Groban's album, Awake, it's 10 moments in Kitty/Roberts relationship. Characters death x 2 but I'm not saying who.

Rated: 12A for safety, I love feedback like Kitty loves Robert.

Mai

_Non guardarmi / Non cercare di spiegare / lo sapevo  
Che finiva prima o poi/ È solo ieri / Che dicevi "quanto ti amo"  
_

Robert McAlister had one secret love, not a mistress as many so often expected. Italian music, especially their lyrics had power over him, bringing him to tears and offering hope with each drum roll crescendo. He often contemplating using a crappy online translator to explain their lyrics in his mother tongue, but he never did, he liked the mystique- the ability to invent his own stories-that they brought.

"Dance with me" he offered Kitty a hand.

"What? Robert you know I don't dance, it's late and I'm grumpy" he silenced her with a glare.

"Please?" the smile broke her as they waltzed round the room, lost in each other's expression, fitting together like a puzzle.

You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)

_Don't give up / It's just the weight of the world / When your heart's heavy  
I...I will lift it for you_

The coffee in the paper cup had long gone cold in Kitty's trembling hands. Her entire body quaked with the weight of the situation, hands shaking, heart pounding, mouth dry. "We'll hear something soon." She knows the words are there to make her realize it will all work out, but she knows things like this happen, and that statistics predict 50 success.

"How can you say that Robert?" she looks for hope in his eyes, loosing herself all over again in their vibrant colour and careful ability to re-assure. She falls in love all over again.

"Because you're a Walker Kitty, you guys have made it through worse." She nods, faltering into tears. He brings her in close, into the space next to his heart, with her ear pressed to the taught muscle of his chest, slowly their hearts equilibrate. His speeding up from adrenaline and hers slow down with knowledge, knowledge that even if the news is bad Robert will be at her side.

03. February Song

_And I never want to let you down / Forgive me if I slip away _

_When all that I've known is lost and found_

He sits in the Lincoln bedroom, perched on the edge of the bed, fingering the rapid handwriting. The note explains that she felt suffocated by his job, that despite a media outcry nothing can make her feel better. She needs to 'clear her head'. He cries, watching the ink swirl and pool in watery smudges, but he understands what she means, that they're in too deep.

His body aches, heart pounding from being ripped apart, when he can hear a tap on the door. "What?" his voice weary.

"I tried Robert, I tried to leave you," her face is as tear stained as his. "But I couldn't, once I realised I'd be loosing you…I…" he brings her in close, fitting himself protectively round her body.

"We'll work it out" he promises, wishing he could give it back, the power, the control and the celebrity, all he's ever needed is love. A drug so powerful it'll fix any problem, quell any pain and make the world seem brighter.

So She Dances

_When I close my eyes I can see / The spotlights are bright on you and me  
We've got the floor / And you're in my arms / How could I ask for more?_

"I'm leaving" Kitty pouts, unable to breath in the deadweight ball gown chosen by a staff she doesn't know.

"You're husband is the president, I doubt you can make that choice anymore Kitty" Sarah is equally irritated by the event – Inauguration – and it's pretentious nature.

"Can I offer the lady a dance?" Robert appears alone, for the first time in months.

"Yes please…sorry Sarah but if I have to listen to one more huffy Mchuffy I will have a tantrum" Sarah rolls her eyes and watches, with slight envy, as her sister – her father's daughter – take to the floor.

"You know I can ask them to play any song you like" Robert tries to pacify her, relaxing as they move in tandem round the floor.

"I don't really care" she smiles, picking up the beat with unusual finesse.

"How long do you reckon till we get out of here?" His breath tingles at the skin under her ear.

"Not fast enough" Kitty replies, nibbling his ear in a bereft moment of intimacy. As they share a light giggle the feel the world slope away from them, if only for a second.

In Her Eyes

_In her eyes I see the sky and all I'll ever need/ In her eyes time passes by and she is with me_

"I love you" she falls into his arms, kissing him with all the emotion being apart brings.

"I missed you so much" he replies, taking in the smell of her hair, unfamiliar from new shampoo. "You changed your shampoo, you smell fruity."

"Instead of what?" she gives him a puzzled look, his knees buckle.

"Apples and cinnamon, whenever I smell it I think of you and…"

"I'll change back then" she promises as they walk out to greet the media, hand in hand, President and First Lady McAlister. Robert and Kitty are lost somewhere back in California, shooting tin cans or riding bare back through their favorite vineyard. Anywhere they can be together, alone and completely themselves.

Now or Never

_Why's and what if's have since long played out / Left us short on happy endings_

He can only watch as Nora Walker collapses to the floor in grief. "I'm so sorry Nora,"

"You are no President of mine" she curses, hitting out at Kitty who tries feebly to quell the nausea building inside her.

"We'll get him a good funeral, make sure everything is taken care of" This is the first, and only time he's delivered news in person, of course no presidential brother in law should be fighting actively he thinks, no brother in law at all should be fighting.

"MY SON DIED IN A POINTLESS WAR, HOW IS THAT TAKING CARE OF ANYTHING?" he watches spit angrily fly as Nora slams her fists into the work top again and again. Kitty cannot offer him any support, he's the poster boy for the war, and he made the bed he's lying in.

Lullaby

_Know though I must leave, my child / That I would stay here by your side_

_And if you wake before I'm gone / Remember this sweet lullaby_

"Sir we ought to go, the motorcade is waiting" he nods to his staffer, quietly entering his daughter's room, tip toeing to the edge of her bed. Esme always sleeps on her left side, curled around a bear he got the first time he had to leave.

Without waking the little girl he brushes her hair off her face, gently kissing her forehead and whispering sweet nothings in her ear.

Next to the countless other bears he leaves the teddy, golden brown to match her hair, an unspoken sorry that breaks his heart.

"Take care of her" he instructs Kitty as they walk through the Residence together, she's clad in pajamas, give the hour it's not unreasonable.

"Get some sleep" she tells him, hugging him close as the door open and he disappears.

4 am trips were never his favorite.

Weeping

_" As long as peace and order reign / I'll be damned if I can see a reason to explain Why the fear and the fire and the guns remain."_

"Human nature is to fight" he explains to Esme, curled against him in a rare moment of father/daughter bonding.

"Why daddy?" he's dammed if he knows, but she has an illusion of him, that he will always uphold.

"To protect their young" she looks puzzled.

"Why?" he watches her sucking her thumb, deep in thought.

"I don't, but look" he points to the window, "I think the tickle monster is coming, "quick, run" she slides off his lap and runs down the corridor shrieking as he chases, playfully swinging her into the air and joining her in hysterics.

Machine

_Turn the light on, you will see things  
So much clearer_

"Surprise!" Robert walks into the hall ranting to Kitty on the phone, lights suddenly click on and the entire room is almost packed with staffers and, near the front, family.

"Robbie!" Jason embraces his brother, "you couldn't come to the party so we took it here,"

"Happy Birthday baby" Kitty hangs up the cell and walks forward, hugging him close. "I couldn't let you get away with 'quiet meal and family time.'"

"Thank you!" in turn he thanks every Walker present, even Nora, who's weathered by grief.

"Happy Birthday Robert," her smile is genuine, for the first time in years. "You're doing a good job, despite what I said" she whispers as they embrace.

Awake

_So keep me awake to memorize you / Give me more time to feel this way  
We can't stay like this forever / But I can have you next to me today_

He curls up next to her in bed, resting her head on his chest as she struggles to breath, they're finally alone together after years of other people sharing in their turmoil and happiness. "Know that I'll always love you" her speech is slurred from painkillers.

If he tries to speak he'll cry, he'll have to accept that she's slipping away. They woke up together for the last time today, and he knows if they see it, sunset will never be the same. _Ductile Carcinoma, stage III. _

"Don't be sad" he tries to see it from her perspective, she's been stuck between staying in this world and moving to the next for weeks, keeping alive to say goodbye to all the family, children grown up and brothers distraught with grief.

"I love you" he can feel her breath shallow and weaken. He goes back to when they first met, how he'd hired her to work as campaign manager and how she'd been brave enough to take the plunge first. That she'd coaxed him through presidency and fatherhood; that they'd traveled the world together and watched four children graduate.

"Kiss me" he feels her life seep away as they kiss, her eyes fluttering shut one last time: Kitty Walker, mother, sister, daughter, best friend.


End file.
